Saturday, October 3, 2015

Currently 10-3-15

Watching:Grey's Anatomy, The Goldbergs, the Middle and this weekend -- General Conference!!

Reading: Russian History, biographies

Listening: the sound of my typing

Creating or Cooking: scrapbooking tomorrow!! And am planning to make tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Feeling: tired, hopeful

Planning: scrapbooking tomorrow!! A new blog :)

Loving: Spiritual fulfllment

Friday, October 2, 2015

Custodian Appreciation Day

So today was Custodian Appreciation Day. We always try to do something nice for our school custodians on this day. This year we are blessed to have Mr. Matt with us. He goes above and beyond to not only keep the school clean, but to fill any request the staff may have to get something like a table for example and is always smiling and friendly. The kids also love him and you can really tell he loves working at our school. In addition to buying Mr. Mat lunch and giving him a seat of honor in the cafeteria and making cards, a person wanting to do a random act of kindness donated a special gift for us to give Mr. Matt. It was a drum kit. We had a special assembly in which we revealed it to him. Since I was sitting with Kindergarten I had a front row seat to see his face when he saw it. He was stunned and said "no way!" He just could not believe it. Several of us had tears in our eyes because you could just see how grateful and honored he felt. We just love him so much and are so appreciative of all he does for us that it was awesome to be able to give him such a special gift.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

The Day That Caused My PTSD

On October 1, 1987 a 5.9 earthquake struck my hometown of Whittier, CA. Prior to that I had only experienced 2 earthquakes, both in the middle of the night, and I was fine the next day. This one changed all that.

I didn't so much feel the earthquake at first as hear it. I heard the roof shaking and thought cats were running circles above my room, which freaked me out. It was only when my dad pushed me into a doorway that I realized what was happening (earthquake preparedness had taught me that you go under a table or in a doorway during one). Then I felt it. And the huge aftershock afterwards.

For the next 15 years I would battle extreme anxiety and sheer terror in response to earthquakes. As soon as I was aware a significant size one was happening the first thing I would do would cover my ears (because in my mind I felt that if I couldn't hear it it would not be so bad. Obviously that stemmed from hearing that one on Oct 1st so acutely). Second I would yell (because covering my ears what not enough alone to block the noise).

You would think that living in California and continually experiencing them I would get used to them. I myself could not understand why this wasn't the case.

One of the big reasons I left California was the earthquakes. People could not understand this. They wondered why I wasn't just as afraid of hurricanes and tornadoes. It was because you have warning for those. Part of the problem with the earthquakes is they just happened. For a person with anxiety (and yes, I have battled anxiety all my life, not just in relation to earthquakes) this is the worst -- the not knowing when to expect them and how major or minor they will be.

It took me 28 years to realize just why I respond to earthquakes as I do. It is PTSD. I was reading or watching something that explained the symptoms of PTSD and it just clicked. I think that each time I experience one it takes me back to the terror of that one 28 years ago. And I am not talking the little ones that you can hardly feel, I am talking about jolts and long periods of shaking. This is not something I am ever going to overcome. It is a part of me. And that is okay.

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Spiritual Sunday -- My 12 Year Anniversary and the Stranger Who Came to Church

Today was truly a blessed day at church.

It was Fast and Testimony Meeting. Normally it falls on the first weekend of the month, but since General Conference is next weekend it came a week earlier. And what a blessing that it did!!

First, of a personal nature, it was the most important day for me to bear my testimony because 12 years ago today I was baptized a member of the LDS church. The Lord worked on me a long time to bring me to that day. It has not always been easy and there are times I have thought it would be easier not to be a member and tried to question the trueness of the church, but no matter how I try the spirit always testifies to me that it is the true church and to hang in there for it is worth it and rich blessings will follow. The Lord never lets me down and neither does the truthfulness of his Gospel.

Second, we had a visitor today. he came in during sacrament and asked a couple members who were in the foyer what our church believed. They answered him and summoned a missionary out to talk to him. I suppose he asked if he could bear his testimony as well, because he did!! (all are welcome to bear testimony). he told us he had been travelling and the Lord always provides. he said he is always able to find work when he needs it and shelter and food. he said on sundays he always looks for a church. he said that today the Lord led him to our church and that he had to walk 30 minutes to get there. There are many churches in our small town and ours is not near the center of town or visible from the Interstate so i know the Lord did indeed lead him. He bore his testimony of Jesus Christ and told us he wanted to tell us to not give up our faith in Him as well. I cried because it was so heartfelt and powerful.

I was able to talk to him after Nursery and he said he had never been to an LDS church before. He thanked me for coming to talk to him and said that our church was very friendly. He also said that he had a bus ticket for Montana tomorrow, but that today our church was going to find him a motel room so he could get a shower, which he really wanted. Now, he could have gotten one down at a gas station, but our church wanted to ensure he was comfortable and had a place to sleep as well. I told him he was always welcome at our church.

This experience strengthened my own faith in Heavenly Father and increased my admiration for our church's charity. We also needed some help today and the church provided it. I am always grateful for the church's help whether it be material or spiritual. I am so happy with the decision I made 12 years ago to become a member.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Jr Jay Football

Our city has a tackle football program for students in 3rd through 6th grade called Jr Jay Football (the high school team is the Blue Jays). I like to try to support the kids at school when I can. I have been asked to come to football games before and last year I went to some flag football games, but this year I decided to see what the Jr Jays were all about.

I went to watch the white team play. Because there are so many kids there are 2 teams -- the blue and the white. I watched the 5th graders. There were 2 boys on the team from my school. I think they were both happy I came. One got injured and could not continue playing and he came and sat with me in the stands for awhile. That made me happy.

Jonathon wasn't too interested in the game, but liked watching the little cheerleaders lol

He also liked walking around under the stands!! (they are concrete and he likes to hear his voice echo)

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Forty and Fabulous

Last week I celebrated my fortieth birthday. I was very excited to turn forty and start a new decade of my life (I was happy to turn 30, too). I do not feel old or any of the other insecurities other people seem to face at this milestone.

I had a small party at my house with friends from church 2 days before it. Then on Monday, my actual birthday, I was given a crown and sash to wear at work that said 40. That was really fun!! And my friend brought me a cupcake :) The Friday after my birthday TJ and Peanut took me to Olive Garden for dinner and then we got cupcakes at Billy Vanilly.

Some goals I have for this decade...
Get down to a healthy weight and maintain a regular fitness routine
Build up Savings again and start Peanut's college fund
Possibly have another baby
Make some house improvements
Stay strong in my faith and accept and magnify church callings
Possibly publish something
Act in a play
Run at least a half marathon, possibly a whole one.
Maybe go back to school for another degree either in education, religion or Russian history.

I feel like my life is open to endless possibilities. 40 is the new 20!!!

Wednesday, September 23, 2015