Sunday, January 21, 2007

When does it get easier????

Just when I think I am adjusting to not having my husband here and am feeling pretty good in general, I break down.
Usually this happens at night. I just start thinking about my husband and missing him and I start crying uncontrollably. I feel so depressed and helpless. This happened last Thursday and it happened again last night.
I guess it's easier during the day because I keep busy and keep my mind on other things, but when I am in bed with nothing to do but think I inevitably think about TJ and then I start to really miss him. Usually this leads to a fit of crying.
I think last night I was upset because he was missing all the snow and would not be able to do fun snow stuff with me like build a snowman and have a snowball fight.
I try not to go to bed until I am almost falling asleep so I won't lie there and dwell on TJ, but it doesn't always work like that. I suppose I could take Xanax, but I am trying to save them for real anxiety producing times like storms and plane rides. I don't want to get dependent on them, either. I already take anti anxiety/depression medicine which has overall helped, but sometimes you just can't stop the blues.
To try to make myself feel better last night I put all my Carebears in the bed with me. If nothing else, it gave me a good laugh. It looks silly with all of them everywhere and falling to the floor. I plan to keep them there for awhile, maybe until TJ comes home, but I know they are only a short term solution.
I almost started crying again today while lying in bed surrounded by the bears, books and watching TV. I don't know how I am going to get through the next few months until R&R and then the months after R&R. It is incredibly hard. A whole year. Being an Army Wife is definitely a tough job.


Kim said...

Have you talked to the other Army wives about this?

Robyn :) said...

No, not yet.