Friday, February 4, 2011

This Gets Me Mad!!

I will never understand why people have to respond to a person's heartfelt expression of worry with a comment about how other people (maybe themselves) have it worse. Do they think they are making the person feel better???? Because they are not.

This happened to me back when TJ was deploying the first time and it happened to one of my friends on Facebook last night. She posted that she was worried about the upcoming deployment and a little of what was worrying her and someone responded that at least she knew her husband would be coming back(actually, she doesn't know that as he is going to WAR) and he wasn't deceased.

WTHeck?????? Is that supposed to make her feel better???????

I immediately sent my friend a private message and told her that it was ok for her to be worried and scared and whatever else she was feeling and although some people may have it worse, it doesn't diminish her feelings or the fact that she is worried. Everyone's situation is unique.

I think it helped. She confided in me a little more of her fears and it sounded a lot like me when TJ first deployed. I shared a little of my experiences and feelings and what helped me, but did not tell her what she should do( I HATE that word) or that she shouldn't be feeling as she does because it could be worse! Because, for her and anyone else, this may be the worse thing they have ever gone through.

Going into our second deployment(maybe), I can say that for me, I feel much better prepared and a little calmer knowing what to expect. I am still worried and not looking forward to it, but I do not have that anxiety of not having any idea what a deployment is like that I had last time. I also know that you can tell someone who has not gone through what to expect and how things work and whatnot, but they still won't really understand until they go through it themselves. So I understand the anxiety and fears that come with a first time deployment and I respect it and it really makes me mad when people try to discount that. Or try (maybe unintentionally)to make someone feel bad for feeling like they do.

Everyone's situation is diffferent. What may be easy for one person may be hard for another and vice versa.

Anyone else have some thoughts?

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