Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Catch 22

I woke up this morning to a minor panic attack. I decided I had had enough.

Since quitting my anxiety meds I have been struggling with endless anxiety and some pretty bad depression. I worry ALL THE TIME. Either about money or losing the baby. Or I fixate on something and can't move on (money, work). I know that is causing my body stress and not good for the baby. I also have depression. I am not looking forward to anything, everything seems like an impossible task, I don't want to go to work and tell myself everyday to just get through it, yet the thought of staying home also depresses me. I have felt like I was walking around in a haze. I am making poor eating decisions because I do not have the energy for anything (beyond normal pregnancy tiredness).

I went and saw the ob/gyn today and she agreed that it was okay to go back on Celexa at the lower dosage I was taking.

It was not easy to make this decision. As with any medication right now it can affect the development of the baby. Celexa is a category C which means that it is mostly considered safe, but they cannot rule out possible affects on the development of the baby because there is no evidence or research to the contrary. Pregnant women have safely taken Celexa and had healthy pregnancies and delivered healthy babies.

I also had the option of waiting until my 2nd trimester to take it, after most of the baby's development was done, but I knew I could not make it that long.

I felt that out of the 2 options, putting all of this stress on myself and the baby was no longer a viable option. I did not want to run the risk of miscarrying the baby due to stress or affecting its development because of that.

I know it sounds like I am putting relief of my discomfort over the health of the baby, but I am not. It is really hard to describe what I have been going through these past 2 weeks. Constant worrying due to anxiety cannot be good for the baby. Not being able to make safe and healthy decisions for my body and the baby due to depression is also not good.

I am praying that everything will turn out okay. I just want to feel normal again and enjoy my pregnancy.


Fuzzy Tales said...

I don't think you're putting your comfort above the baby's health, Robyn, not at all. I think it's a wise course of action, risk or no risk, because YOU need to be as healthy as possible in every way *for* the baby. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision at all. I think all any of us can do is make the best choice in the moment that we can, with the knowledge we have at hand.


Kim said...

You know the saying put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else? I don't think you're selfish at all.

betty said...

I totally support your decision; I probably would have done the same thing; I know how hard it can be to function with anxiety and depression. You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of the baby indeed!


FootPrints said...

you shouldnt worry about what everyone else is thinking. this child is yours and you need to make the best decision for you and him/her.

Hope you are starting to feel back to normal again!