Sunday, May 11, 2014

Respect the Boundaries

So, a couple weeks ago I posted about how a lot of people on the Baby Center message boards were talking about having issues with family members and friends insisting or wanting to be in the room during labor and delivery. (Luckily this still is not an issue with me!). I had some pretty strong feelings about this. Today I am going to talk about another common theme that has been cropping up on there lately.

A lot of people are posting about how their friends and family (mostly family) expect to visit as soon as the baby is born and how they do not want that as they want time to rest and bond with the baby. Some people feel this is selfish of the new parents (the people they know, not the other members of the message board!!) or just cannot understand how they cannot share the new baby joy with everyone.

Okay, seriously???? This one gets me really mad, too. I think it goes with the feeling that I expressed in my previous post that it is MY baby (or theirs referring to the people posting about this problem). New parents are under no obligation to show off and share their new family member with ANYONE. Not only that. There seems to be no respect for the new mom and her needs. Giving birth is HARD (or so I've heard lol). If you had just put your body through the worst pain and exhaustion imaginable would you want someone coming in and visiting you immediately after? Even within 24-48 hours? I don't think so. And I get that people are excited about the birth of a new baby and want to share in the joy, but really, it is at the parents' discretion of when they want to share that joy. It is not selfish.

Some parents just do not want to share all of those intimate moments right off the bat. I know that I am one of them. The hospital does allow up to 15 visitors (though I would hope not all at the same time!!) and I did fill up the list, but I only told a few people they are on the list and there was a specific reason for that. I figure if I feel up to visitors I will contact people and they will already be on the list. But I have made no promises. The same with phone calls. Of course we will call TJ's family and I will call my aunts (then they can call other family members), but other than that I do not plan on calling anyone until after I am home. I want to spend that time in the hospital bonding with my peanut and learning how to be a mom. The hospital also has you sign a consent form of who they can give out information to and I have only TWO people on that list (TJ's mom and my aunt). This is not a group event, but mine and baby's health and birthing journey.

I will be very happy to share news of the baby's birth and share some pictures of him, but most likely not right away!! And when I am home I am sure I will welcome visitors, but they will not be long visits. I will be setting boundaries and I really hope people will respect them (and I really do not think it will be a problem!).

******Please note...... I am mostly writing these blog posts in advance, so it is very likely that as you are reading these I may actually be in the hospital giving birth!!


Kim said...

I was reading that Kaiser has a no visitor rule for new moms from 1-3 pm every day. I think that's good. And I see your point. Don't overload the new mom!

betty said...

I am never a proponent for visiting anyone in the hospital, whether they are there for having a baby or from sickness, illness, surgery, etc. I figure if someone is in the hospital, they are there giving birth, then needs the rest, or recovering from an illness or surgery and then they too need their rest. I might send a card if they will be in for a few days; otherwise then a card to their house. I think people need to be respectful and like you said, give the parents/baby space and allow them to get used to each other.

Even when we would bring meals to new parents, we never stayed. Lots of times I'd sit in the car with Koda and hubby would run the food up to the house, deliver it and then take off. ]

Its good you are thinking these things through and organizing such before your wee one comes along and planning what is working best for you.